Sixteen Things I’ve Learned After Sixteen Days in Edinburgh

by shewastheyoungamerican

  • The Festival has turned a lovely, historic, architecturally-grandiose city into Los Angeles for the span of one month. This is in terms of levels of delusion, networking, and alcohol consumption.
  • It kind of smells like a hamster cage.
  • My skin was in better shape under London pollution than an Edinburgh diet.
  • The Free Fringe attracts the real freaks. For better or worse.
  • Practical footwear is your best friend. You might climb Arthur’s Seat at sunset, then traverse down in the dark.
  • Alone time? Aw, that’s cute.
  • It’s easier to be an American here because there’s no one the Scots hate more than the English. Actually, now that I think about it, no one makes a fuss about my Americanism. It’s probably because everyone would rather talk about their own shows. Fine by me.
  • GIVE ME A FIVE STAR REVIEW NOWWWWWWWWWW.
  • Stop trying to figure out people’s sexual preferences. Just…stop.
  • There are a lot more celebrities in the world of comedy than I was aware of. I may or may not have unknowingly yelled at Dara O’Briain the other night when a friend of his annihilated my foot on the dance floor. Whatevs, she didn’t even apologize!
  • A vegetable consumed is like the feeling of water in the desert.
  • Nudity and dick jokes does not a good cabaret make.
  • Nudity and dick jokes does not a good stand up make.
  • Nudity and dick jokes does not a good sketch show make. (Unless you’re the Beta Males, then you get a pass on this one)
  • Where the ethnic minorities at?
  • Guys, seriously, I can’t drink tonight.
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