What Single Women Are Really Doing

by shewastheyoungamerican

We aren’t crying over a sad movie with our two most dutiful companions Ben and Jerry. We aren’t out with our girlfriends wearing stilettos and tight dresses getting hit on by all of those well-dressed men who have been giving us eyes all night. We aren’t holding cosmopolitans, appletinis, or a simple vodka and cran. We are not drinking a bottle of wine alone looking out of a window, mournfully. We are not spending every moment driving ourselves mad over what our exes are up to. We are not even friends with them on Facebook. We aren’t joining book clubs because we lost all of our friends throughout the process of our last relationship. We aren’t sleeping around to “have sex like a man.” That phrase means nothing.

We aren’t doing any of those things because we are too busy living our lives. We are going for a run in the morning and then spending a solid fifteen minutes stretching on our bedroom floor to The Talking Heads. We are probably making breakfast and paying the bills. We are going to work, going to class, writing, etc. We are having a beer over a plate of fries and playing quizzo with our friends on a Tuesday night. We are going to a roller disco and seeing a symphony orchestra all in one weekend.  We have a solid group of tried and true friends. Some are married. Some have kids. Some are gay, lesbian, transgendered and all of the above. Some are single, too.

We aren’t angry with our friends who are in relationships. We certainly don’t hate them. We might get a tinge of pain from time to time when we see them with their stable partner who is strong enough and happy to be a part of their lives. We think, “I remember what that felt like, briefly.” Sometimes we think, “I wonder when and if I’ll ever have that.” But, we know that is subjective. When it comes, it’ll come. It’ll change us and shake us.

We are living beyond single, because single is not a diagnosis. It is not shame. It’s a box to check when filling out taxes.  It’s no reason to be pandered to. We are not broken. We are not making a deliberate stance against what society or our mothers expect from us. We are , like most people, trying to be good to ourselves, kind to others and figuring out what’s next.

We have had our hearts broken. We have lost pieces of ourselves in past relationships. We have cried at weddings for selfish reasons. We have cheated on tests in the 5th grade. We have slow-danced on top of our fathers’ toes. We used to believe in Santa. We have ridden roller coasters and nearly set the kitchen on fire more than once. We’ve been swimming for some time now. Sometimes the current will wash us to the shore, or, it will let us float, carry us out to sea and feel still under the vast expanse of sun and sky. But, we are not a sinking ship. We are a vessel, moving forward.